I Have Wandered, Bring Me Back

I always love starting a blog post out with a photo. Even though it has nothing to do with anything in this blog post, except that’s it something we did while I’ve been absent. WE WENT TO CHICAGO and SAW THE CUBS TWICE!

I can’t tell you how many times I have stopped and started this post.  (Or is it really started and stopped? The latter makes more sense to me, but the former sounds more familiar as a saying.) I am a perfectionist in so many ways that if I can’t get it to be extraordinary I don’t really want to do it. This goes for pretty much everything from arts and crafts to writing a paper (or blog post, for that matter).  I usually put so much pressure on myself that I get start fright (the inability to start anything, kind of like stage fright). Or maybe it’s more of a fear of the blank page? Either way, I stress out so much that I don’t start until it’s almost due and then I don’t have time to be a perfectionist. However, that means I don’t always (or ever) do my best work. When I was in college, I know this drove my “proof-reader” crazy aka my mom. I’m so grateful that my mom would accomdate this very bad habit and I know that it’s only thanks to her that I managed to make decent grades in college.

Even when I do start things there are so many ideas running around in my mind that if I put something to the side to “finish it later” it won’t get finished until somewhere between years from now and never. I think that’s one of the most important things I have realized about myself this year. Once I start a project I no longer constantly dream and tweak and design it, instead I forget about it and move onto the next thing. But I can finish a project if I work on it continuously.  It’s almost like at the beginning I can see the final project but once I get bogged down in the middle I can’t image an end. However, when I get close to the end, I’ll keep myself up to 3 in the morning trying to finish it (because I always think “just 10 more minutes and I’ll be done” for hours).  I’m super horrible at accurate time management (or whatever you would call knowing how long something takes you–time estimates?). In the end it’s all the same because bad time estimates definitely equal bad time management. This chick is not afraid to say she has zero comprehension of time.  D definitely acts as not only my husband, but also my semi-personal assistant in helping think out commitments and appointments. I have been constantly overbooking myself lately.

Anyway, I’m blogging here because I’m hoping that if I continuously post here I’ll be reminded to keep my photography blog updated as well. I have been taking photos for church events and have been loving it. I’m not sure if it’s because I get to photograph adorable children or what, but I think that’s a big part of it. I get to help direct the kids some, but mostly I love just capturing their personalities. So if you know any families that would like some authetic images of their child’s stage in life you can contact me through this blog or my photography blog.

Speaking of photography blog it has gotten a small makeover. I changed the theme to something a bit more elegant. It was no small task to find something minimal that still showed off my images. I’m not 100% happy with the theme, but it will do for now. I shall be updating with some of my latest work–aka all the images I’ve created in the past six plus months. I’m sure at some point I’ll get some sort of system going or knowing me maybe I won’t, but I do want to start posting both here and on Anna Stanphill Photography at least once a week. We’ll see how it goes but you haven’t seen/heard the last of me yet. 😉

And because I can’t not post a photo or two with each blog post, here is an extremely recent image taken at Christ Covenant‘s community concert on Sunday, August 30.

Title: “Soul On Fire” by Third Day

Just Keep Your Eyes On Me

I know I’ve been posting pretty sporadically–missing days here and there. I’m working on, seriously. One thing I will without a doubt post every week is the Five Things I’m Thankful For. Every week this is a great reminder to look back on the week and be grateful for all the blessings the Lord has provided even when I’m not very thankful, especially when I’m not very thankful. Everything I have is the Lord’s. Everything I could ever think of having is the Lord’s. As God says in Psalm 50, “If I were hungry, I would not tell you, for all the world is mine and everything in it” (NLT, Psalm 50:12). I’ve been reading through the Bible and that verse really stuck out to me. To me, that verse is a humongous reminder that everything is the Lord’s, it is through his will that we are stewards of what he has given us. It is his will that through us he creates believers and does his wonderful work. But he doesn’t need us. He doesn’t need anything.  This train of thought makes me so blessed. And really, the Lord has blessed me with so much that I take for granted. That I feel I deserve. I’m not sure how to change my feelings of entitlement, but I think reminding myself every day of how blessed I am and how much the Lord has given me to steward is a decent start.

D and I have officially spent seven months of forever together
(we haven’t had a perfect life together, but I love him more deeply now than I did 7 months ago)

D and I had our first guests at the apartment
(we hosted our Community Group, previously only our parents had seen The Place)

 

D and I came across more film for the Instax Mini from The Wedding
(we thought all the film was used up, but were pleasantly surprised when we found 2 full cartridges)

D and I got to hold and love on some toddlers in Christ Covenant’s nursery
(we seriously enjoyed the kids, and I got to hold this cutie–who answers everything with “no”–in my lap)

  

 I got the film scans back!!! And I sent more film to the lab.
(I can’t wait to learn more and get the next film scans back)
P.S. I’ve created a photography blog for my business that I will continuously update with recent work! (You can see the link in the sidebar on a regular basis)

BONUS:
The Lord is amazing.
As I have been reading my bible, I realize more and more that I could read it over and over and over (and read every commentary available) and still not even scratch the surface.
He surpasses my understanding and yet he lets me comprehend everything I NEED to know about him.  He is loving and just and merciful and my Father.
I need him more than I’ve needed anything else in my life (even the “basic human needs”).

This song has a wonderful beat, a slightly skewed view of the world, and a great line.
I always need to keep my eyes on God.

Title: “Shut Up and Dance” by Walk the Moon

So Open Up My Eyes

I got my film scans back!!!!  Ahhhhh!!!!  I can’t tell you how nervous I was to get them back–like getting your grades back on a paper or huge test.  I read my feedback before I could open the photos–they took forever to download.  So I was even more worried about what they would look like.  But they turned out marvelous–or at least most of them did!  I’m still learning and growing and hopefully getting better.

From now on I think I’m going to have possibly 3 different kinds of film in my rotation–Fuji Pro400H, Kodak Ektar 100, and Kodak Porta 400.  But we’ll see.  Who knows it might change.

today: getting back in the groove of being a house-wifey

Title: “Believe” by Mumford & Sons

I See Their Faces

Remember those Polaroids I was telling you about? Well, the Husby made my vision to come to life by hanging these windows as a display for our wedding Polaroids. We had so many photos from our wedding reception that we only had room to add our honeymoon Polaroids. When in a year or six months, I think we’ll change out these photos for the ones we’ve taken during our first year of marriage. There are so many things you can showcase with these windows. I can’t wait to discover the possibilities.

today:  running errands like it’s my job…

Title: “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real

I’ve Found My Friend

I completely forgot that Saturday is my offical Five Things post day! I had such a busy day on Friday (when I normally write up these posts) that by the time D and I got home I was ready for bed. So here’s a belated Five Things I’m Thankful For… On Sunday instead of Saturday. Next week it will be back at its regularly “scheduled” time.

Date Night at the (Iowa) Cubs Game
aka the Redbirds game with Cubs hats  

 Kitty Time at a Neighbor/Friend’s House
aka my cat sitting job this week 

Progress on my Website
aka teaching me patience one code at a time

Puppy Loving at my parents’ house
aka Oscar, the most cuddly goldendoodle

 

Family Hangouts
aka listening to the women in D’s family

 

Jesus rose from the dead
aka Death has been conquered for all

today: praising and singing and praying to the Lord

Title: “Geronimo” by Sheppard

Life Got In Between

 A sore throat’s best friend–that and sleep.

today:  going to actually write something interesting for the blog tomorrow

Title: “Hold Back the River” by James Bay

Tell Me It Was a Good Start

Honestly I don’t have much to say about yesterday.  I’ve been feeling a little bad–mostly allergies I believe.  Just because I know it’s allergies doesn’t make my throat hurt any less.  So all I did yesterday was work on a super secret craft project and read.  I tried–without success–to work on my website, but it’s been headache after headache.  I can’t wait until it’s finally up and ready to rock and roll.

Currently I’m rereading Valley of the Dolls, a very interesting book about young single women who live in New York City in the late 1940’s.  It’s a very sad, but almost glamourous book.

today: praying to feel better (and for patience with my website)

Title: “Tell Me There’s a Garden” by Joseph

Teach Thy Wisdom to My Heart

Yesterday was a day that started early and filled up quickly with fun times with family and friends.  The day as a whole was so much better than Monday’s day as a whole.  I’ve updated the logo for my photography business, almost solidified my website ideas (now to just put them into virtual form), and sent off my film.  I also had the privilege to hang out with a good friend and her two youngest.  I can’t decide if I was more the audience or the entertainment–kids tend to make me confuse the two.  Much laughter was had–and even some exercise happened.

Then I participated in the weekly Mother-Daughter craft day.  It’s only been about 3 weeks since Mom and I first started the ritual so I’m not sure if I can call it a regular thing just yet.  Although they do say that after the second time you do something it becomes a habit–or is that just with animals?  I am so appreciative of our weekly time.  I am working on a project that I am just learning how to make and Mom’s help has been invaluable to helping me.

When D got home, he got busy putting up a few items in our foyer.  One of which was a project that we started at the very beginning of our marriage.  I wanted to have something on which to hang our keys. I found this key rack made of elephants and was able to make it my own with some puppy-dogs that reminded me of Oscar.  I’m so proud that we have created this and it’s hanging on our walls.  I had to take a few pictures–one outside in the natural light and one that shows it being used.

   

I can’t wait to say that I’ve created my website and have a link.  I’m planning on moving this guy once more to my new website so everything will be in one place.  Also, as soon as I get my film scans back y’all will know.

The days that I’m able to just hang out and talk with other ladies I find myself more uplifted.  It is a nice reminder that we were made to be in community.  The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are always in perfect communion with each other.  Even though I have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that the Godhead is three in one, I can understand that we are their image bearers.  Since we were made in the Lord’s image we long for that continuous communion with God and those around us.  Once we did have this perfection and one day we will once more have it because Christ died for our sins and all our brokenness.  I am no longer fallen in my Father’s eyes, but I am credited with Christ’s righteousness.  This moves me to tears most of the time.  To think that my Father is always guiding, always loving, and always disciplining me–because he loves me and accepts me as his own.  His discipline is never out of malice, but instead it’s because he cares for me and wants to see me grow–just as my parents did when I was under their roof.  He teaches me because I do not know better.  Because I always want to see how much I can get away with–just like when I was a child.  “I am evil, born in sin,” but Christ’s blood washes me clean.  I can sing those words until my face turns blue, but I have a harder time really believing how evil my sin really is.  I constantly want to make light of my sin.  “It didn’t hurt anyone,” is always in the back of my mind when I try to justify what I’ve done.  But each sin killed Christ.  It always hurts the Lord–my Lord.  Always.  And I always need a good solid reminder of the repercussions of my sin.  Even though I am sinner through Christ’s sacrifice I am now considered a saint because I believe in Him. I am a sinner and a saint. Only the wisdom from the Lord can give can help me reconcile that paradox.

today: excited and nervous for my creative ideas to turn into physical/virtual products

Title:  “God Be Merciful to Me (Psalm 51)” 

Tell Me Lest I Forget Who I Am to You

I didn’t realize how much I have to change to rebrand.  I’m not complaining and I’m still so excited about it, but wow.  I seem to always forget how much of a perfectionist particular and opinionated I am.  It’s one of the main factors that I loved my wedding.  It was styled so beautifully and wonderfully (and exactly like I pictured).  There was a ton of effort put into it though.  Not only did I try to think of almost every detail, I came up with multiple solutions for each detail.  I so enjoyed it but it was also exhausting even with the wonderful help I was blessed in having.

I want to do the same with my website, but the thought is pretty daunting and almost has me stuck where I am–without an updated website.  I would love for the blog to be simple, but sometimes simple is more work than elaborate.  Or at least it feels that way to me.  I’ve worked most of the day on updating my logo, my website, and my whole business model.  I haven’t changed one thing, but I’m thinking it through.  Maybe too throughly.  I get one idea and that doesn’t quite work the way I wanted it to, then I get another idea.  They all seem just not simple enough.  Sounds like I’m over thinking it, huh?

Which is why I’m giving it a break for now.  I don’t see the website being changed for at least another week or two or three or four.  Basically, who knows?  But the one thing I do know is that there is probably going to be a complete overhaul–you know to make it more simple.

How can you stay frustrated when this is your work space?  This weather is so beautiful–warm but with a cool breeze and not too much of the sun!  I love the sun but it hates me so I’m always grateful when I can avoid it.

The one great thing about being particular a perfectionist is that you always get reminded that nothing in this world is perfect.  This whole world is broken.  Nothing can be perfect no matter how hard you try.  But, there is one person who was perfect–Christ.  Through his perfection the world will become whole once more.  Through his grace and his sacrifice we will have perfect bodies without sickness, pain, or deterioration.  We won’t fail each other or sin against each other or against God.  I look forward to that day.

today: trying to think of new solutions to problems

Title: “Remind Me Who I Am” by Jason Gray

Let My Song Join the One That Never Ends

D & I have started this tradition of taking Polaroids for most of the major occasions in our marriage.  I had the idea to use Polaroids (or technically Fuji Instax) during our wedding reception.  Even though we had the most wonderful photographer in Cassidy, I wanted to my guests to also capture photos from their view-point.  It’s an old tried and true idea from before Polaroid stopped making cameras and film (I think they might have even gone out of business).  There is a new way to get Polaroids from the Impossible Project, but they’ve had to reverse engineer the process so the film is not super reliable and you have to wait TWO hours before you can see your image.  Which is why we ended up going with Fuji Instax.  They offer two different versions, the mini and the wide.  We love our wide Instax.  We have photos from our honeymoon, birthdays, holidays, and a few from just special days.  At the bottom we will write a caption and when was taken so down the road we’ll still know the occasion.  Something that was super helpful when we were on our honeymoon and took one a day.  (Actually, I still have a wide and mini version for sale.  If you’re thinking about buying one, I’d love to sell it to you!)

Saturday,  I had the opportunity to take one of my high school friend’s engagement photos.  I really enjoyed Saturday being so sunny and perfect.  We went down by the Mississippi River on Mud Island.  I took photos with both my digital and film camera and can’t wait to see how the film ones turned out!!  I’ve been steadily trying new film rolls, but have yet to send any of them in to a lab.  I’m thinking about trying a mail-in lab in Utah, The FIND Lab.  I’ve mailed in film before to another lab, but they told me that there weren’t any images on the film rolls.  So I’m super nervous to mail my film, but I am going to do everything I can to make sure the mail carriers know that there is film in the box.  Hopefully, everything will arrive safe to the lab.  Memphis has its own lab, Memphis Professional Imaging, but from everything I’ve read about beginning in film, you need to try a few different labs.  Plus, The FIND Lab offers feedback on your images to help you learn something to which I am really looking forward.  I can’t wait to share how everything goes with the lab.  I’m hoping to send in the film today or tomorrow.

This weekend has been super encouraging, even though it did turn cold during the latter half of the weekend–I’m looking at you Sunday.  Mentally, I’m feeling so much better than even 2-3 weeks ago.  I’m not sure what it is, but pain/hurting is tons easier to bear when you have more energy and don’t already feel like you have the flu. With my newly found energy I’m ready to work on my photography business and my film skills.  I’m planning on redoing the whole structure of my business, branching out into family portraits, engagement sessions, and child photography (as well as keeping senior portraits on the list).  Basically, if you need a photograph taken, I’m your girl.  I’m also updating my products and packaging.  It’s a complete overhaul.  I changed my business model because of a photography workshop I attended.  The teacher had this great idea for a business that was only specialized in portraits of high school senior girls.  While this still works wonders for her, I feel that I’m not ready to specialize so intensely.  I’m my own person and my own photographer.  This means almost everything on my website has to change.  I’m super excited with this new path I’m on in photography.  Hopefully I’ll be able to find many more clients and do what I love.  I’d love to take your portraits if any of you are interested, especially with my film camera.  I want to always be growing creatively and knowledgeably.  That’s my goal and stepping outside of comfort zone will definitely help me do that.  Plus, now that I’ve put it out there, it’s almost like y’all are holding me accountable.

I am constantly trying to remind myself that all the strength I have comes from the Lord.  Honestly, when I remember this there is a certain freedom I feel.  I have a Lord who watches over me and knows I can’t do it alone.  He walks with me and picks me up when I fall.  That image is one I don’t think of often enough.  I have a wonderful Father in heaven who will never let me down, never fail me, never be anything but perfect and perfectly understanding.

today:  working on updating my photography website with new content.

Title: “Because He Lives (Amen)” by Matt Maher